I planned this trip in a much different mental space than when going on it. I had big plans to stay in downtown durham with a few friends, go to Black August, go out to a dance party, go to brunch, go swimming, go to dinner, go to brunch again, go to the airport, go to Iceland, go to Zurich, go to Milan, go to dinner, go to Florence, do cooking classes and tourist shit, and finally come home to Winston after another three trains, two flights and countless ride sharing. It started to feel like a lot, and I let the distractions distract.

The last two months have been tumultuous; a roller coaster ride of emotions, questions and change. Change is challenging. Mercury is in retrograde. A lot of things changed for me this summer. From family to friendships to financials. Losing people, reaching another frequency of self-awareness, taking a second look at the business model and re-analyzing my why, just to name a few. So upon leaving for this trip I was less than thrilled to do all those “go to’s”. I wanted more for myself. More than travelling alone, again. More than taking care of every detail alone, again. More than half hearted surface relationships and experiences. I wanted more. And I still do. Working to remember I am the alchemist of this life and (can) have all that I desire.

Its 10am Monday morning August 26, and my flight to Zurich leaves at 8pm. I wont be on that plane. I decided after MUCH back and forth that the responsibility is mine to turn inwards right now, no matter where i am. While i could go to Europe and have a blast, i could also go and be just as depressed in another part of the world - distracted by keeping the trip and home life going. There is nothing i truly want to see or experience in Europe so ill pocket those points and head back to winston. Part of the change this retro challenge brought was the ability to let go. To release things so that new things may fill you, change you grow you, water you and shine on you. I am officially letting go of a 2024 Euro trip. Letting go of a lot of things, the idea of happiness, the idea of how life “should be” and just living it.

If I’d always had relationships that were perfect there would be limited space to grow and change; I imagine I would have never moved away from home or joined groups, I would’ve never met most of the people I know now and have had the pleasure to get to know. I wouldve stayed. Stuck, stagnant, the same. It is a privilege to loose things. Loose your grip on life. Learn to let go of the balloon and watch how high it soars. Get comfortable taking life in waves, welcoming change and the highs and lows that come with change.

Black August started at 4 this year and from past experience I wanted to get there closer to dark, it was also very hot that Saturday; a high of 90 degrees in North Carolina can drain me faster than it used to. We couldn't checkin to the house until 4 so when we got to Durham at 2:30pm we parked and headed to a small bites bar with outdoor seating. Mid. 5/10. Kinda hipster-y with a lot of beer options. I got cheeseburger slider, fries, and scallion cakes. They also had Mediterranean style bowl that looked good. We left there to explore downtown and passed Dame’s Chicken and Waffles, BoxCar Barcade and a few other shops. At 3:45 we headed to the house.

We arrived at the Downtown Durham Airbnb hosted by Glenda at 3:53pm and checked ourselves in with a lockbox key. The air was cool when we entered and the house smelled and looked clean. Spacious living room with a TV and small sectional. There was also a desk to the right that remained unused. We took a look around and agreed on rooms. I took the main with a connecting bathroom. There was also another full bathroom, huge kitchen with seating for 6 at a table and all the aesthetic amenities for cooking including salt and pepper. There were also a few snacks on the counter and instructions/rules on the fridge. My favorite part of the house was the outdoor spaces. In the front there was seating for 4 on a long porch and a small porch, seating area and grassy patch in the back with privacy fence. Overall 9.8/10. Location was perfect because we could walk to almost everything AND it was on a bustling AND I ate at the closest restaurant and most magically delicious place ever, Little Bull - more on that below. Points off for wet towels, clogged sink, shower issues, cheap blankets.

We rested for a bit before getting ready and heading to Durham Central Park for Black August in the Park, around 8pm. It took 7 min walking and the party was in full swing when we got there. Easily over 6000 black people flooding Foster St. from grammas jamming to the DJ to kids climbing on shoulders to get a better look. Even a few games of double duty and spades broke out. Minimal police presence or at least undetectable. People were smoking, drinking, dancing, yelling, vibing.. it was a huge family reunion turned block party.

The commemoration is setup as a large circle around the street with acted as a loose dance floor. The whole area consisted of a kids play area, DJ/ Stage, photo-op/ Black August Sign, grassy picnic area, history and meaning gallery, vendors, food trucks and then back to the kids play area.

After a loop or 2 we considered the food trucks, which had African, Caribbean, southern soul food, fair food, pineapple drinks, icees and more. Nothing catching our attention we decided on a a bar down the street to get a big girl drink and to not wait in line.

We found Unscripted, a popular hotel, bar/ club and got a few drinks, then went back to the park. The music was more of a party vibe as it was fully dark now. We swag surfed, put a $50 bill in the air and slow wined into the night. DJ wrapped at 10:30 and everyone slowly left. We did not attend an afterparty; and instead went back to the house (mistake) and fell asleep.

Brunch the next day was ok at Velvet Hippo. Sunday brunch. Then I got emotional and wrote a little. Then went to Little bull, that place is the HIGHLIGHT of this trip.